LOL v. SLI

I know I've already expressed my dissatisfaction with text speak, and, to my eyes, one of the worst text speak offenders is "LOL" (or "lol" - both versions suck equally).  I think I care so much about this particular stupid expression because I love laughter and humor and get really irritated when those things are fucked with.

For me, when someone writes "LOL" to express amusement about something, the thing they allegedly found funny suddenly becomes less funny.  What the hell is wrong with "HA HA HA!" or "bwah ha ha ha!" or a simple ":D"??  I mean really.  [:D <---Look!  It's someone actually laughing!]

Recently I was reading a friend's Facebook posts and saw this conversation:

FRIEND:  someone please tell me a joke.

FRIEND'S FRIEND:  what's red and smells like blue paint?

FRIEND:  what?

FRIEND'S FRIEND:  red paint.

FRIEND:  lol

FRIEND'S FRIEND:  lol

Now, I almost did laugh when I first read the joke.  Simple, obvious humor just tickles me; I know it's dumb, but I don't care.  However, when I saw the "lol...lol," I proceeded NOT to laugh.  Instead, I frowned most intensely (fmi) and began festering in a pool of lol-induced irritation (fiapolii).

Then there are Facebook status updates like this:  "just woke up late lol.  guess i'm gonna be late for work lol.  oh well maybe i need a new job LOL!"  These updates make me want to shoot myself in the face.  Thankfully for me & the potential clean-up crew, I don't own a gun.  [Tangentially, approximately 7 times a day I give thanks for the fact that I don't own a gun.  Short-term results of gun ownership?  Sweet!  Long-term results?  Bad.]  But seriously, who laughs out loud after each in a series of completely mundane, unfunny statements?  Pretty much only The Joker.

Here are my two main issues with LOL:

1.  I am certain that, 9 times out of 10, the person writing "lol" did not actually just laugh out loud, so the statement is a bald-faced lie.  Lying is dumb.

2.  If you speak the word "lol" as it's written, it doesn't sound funny.  It sounds dull - really dull - like working on a history assignment in the library at 4 p.m. on a Tuesday.  Lol.  Blah.  There is nothing funny or remotely titillating about that word.

Thankfully, I have a solution to this problem that allows for the continuation of utilizing stupid text speak while providing a more honest and titillating (sorry - I just wanted to use that word again) option.  And here it is:

"SLI"

"SLI" or "sli" stands for "strongly laughing internally."  If you think about it, you will realize that "sli" is approximately 3,829 times better than "lol."  First of all, it's way more accurate.  When we see something funny on the internet, we are much more likely to strongly laugh internally than to actually laugh out loud (and don't even get me started on "ROTFL").  Also, if you say "sli" out loud, you can pronounce it with a hard I like "sly," as in, "Dude, you are so sly for making that amusing comment."  Or you can pronounce it with a soft i, which is hard to say, sounds silly, and is kind of funny in and of itself, entirely unlike "lol."

So there ya go.  Replace "lol" with "sli," and I guarantee that your life will become happier.  Or at least mine will.