Down With the Stupids

Before beginning this rant, I'd like to differentiate between ignorance and stupidity. In my world view, ignorance results from a lack of exposure or knowledge, and therefore can be handled via the generous application of relevant information or experience. Stupidity, however, is more intentional.  Stupidity occurs when people have been exposed to, or have open access to, relevant information that clearly disputes their flawed ideas and opinions, but they blatantly refuse to incorporate or accept that information because they are just dead set on being stupid fucking assholes. Examples of this phenomenon may include (but are not limited to) any/all of the following beliefs:

• Death panels are totally a thing
• AIDS exists because God hates gays
• Obama is a socialist Muslim
• A woman could never be president because she would go crazy once a month & quite possibly start a nuclear war
• Nuclear is pronounced "nook-yuh-lur"
• People in abusive/violent relationships enjoy being abused
• Fast food and high-fructose corn syrup are appropriate to feed to children, but nutritious food is weird & gross
• Atheists worship Satan
• Sexism and racism don't exist anymore
• Homosexuality is a choice
• "An eye for an eye" (frequently articulated as, "If someone disrespects me, I'm gonna disrespect them") is a completely logical and rational way to approach interactions with other human beings
• God made the world as a gift to humanity, so we can destroy it as we see fit

When I am exposed to stupid people and their stupid ideas, which they seem to hold onto with a vehement passion that knows no bounds, I am frequently reminded of one of my favorite childhood books, namely:

I loved that book! But that's not why exposure to stupidity reminds me of this book; I am reminded of the title of the book because, in my most evil, violent, primitive state, I would like to murder all stupid people. However, if there are two things I've learned in my 35 years on this planet, they are:

1. It's actually not possible to kill ALL the stupid people, so why bother killing some of them, and
2. Everyone is loved by someone (usually a mom) and therefore (probably) shouldn't be killed.

So okay, I won't kill all of them. I don't really have the resources or energy to do that, anyway. Plus, I'm against the death penalty, so being a one-woman killing machine is a little counter-intuitive. But I do have an idea that would allow for the removal of stupid people from our planet while permitting them to keep their stupid lives. I call this master plan:

THE SPACE POD RELOCATION PROGRAM

"Welcome, Stupids!"

Here's how it works: when someone is deemed too stupid to live amongst the rest of us (I volunteer to do the deeming, just to keep things simple & consistent), he or she will be placed into a one-person space pod with enough food and water to last for the duration of an average human life. Then that person will be shot into space, never to be seen or heard from again. I know it's not very cool to throw our trash into space, so I suppose we could also consider sinking these pods to the bottom of the deepest oceans, but only if there were a guarantee that they would never be able to resurface.

I also suggest that the SPRP be utilized to dispose of other problematic individuals, such as serial batterers & sex offenders, meth dealers, and Dick Cheney.