This is one of my favorite Demotivators from Despair, Inc. It's wonderful because it is so true. I think that, in general, blogging is pretty stupid. However, here I am doing it. This reminds me of a time when someone asked a good friend of mine to impersonate me, and she put her hand on her hip, curled her lip, and snarkily proclaimed, "I do what I want!" Yes, that about covers it. I do what I want, and currently I want to blog. Blogging is pointless, no one will read this, and I'm writing it. So here we are, or here I am; there is no "we" since, again, no one is going to read this.
Something I'm hoping this blog will help me with is reducing the amount of time I spend talking to myself. I do this all the time, much like a crazy person. I'm so happy that the Bluetooth has become popular, because now (hopefully) people who happen to witness my dysfunctional behavior will think I'm talking on the phone rather than babbling endlessly to myself. I have a variety of reasons for this strange habit. Sometimes I'm rehearsing an upcoming conversation; sometimes I'm replaying old conversations and saying what I wish I'd said; sometimes I'm giving answers for an interview that isn't actually occurring. I'm reliving a break-up; I'm on a talk show; I'm arguing with some corporate jackass. I suppose it's all very entertaining and stimulating for me, because, like I said, I do it all the time.
When I was in my early 20s, I moved in with two housemates. Soon after moving in together, in an effort to be preventative, we had a frank discussion about our quirks. I began the conversation by mentioning to one of the housemates that I'd noticed she had a tendency to create very elaborate and complicated beverages for herself, take a few sips, and then just leave the drinks around the house. I would go into the bathroom, for example, and find a cucumber-flavored ice water with a mint sprig and two squeezed lemon wedges just sitting next to the sink, creating a sad, wet ring of purposelessness. I found it fascinating that my housemate would put so much effort into making these concoctions, only to abandon them.
Other eccentricities were revealed: a life goal of becoming a "crazy cat lady;" a complete inability to keep track of material possessions; a clown phobia; a tendency to sleep with open eyes and wake up with an intense startle response; etc. Feeling brave from all of the sharing, I mentioned that I talk to myself a lot and warned my housemates not to be alarmed if they heard me doing so. The drink-abandoning cat-lady-wanabe paused, looked at me, looked away, sighed, and then stated, "Huh. Well, I don't talk to myself. And I would think it was really weird if I did." [Translation: "You are weird, and now I live with you. Crap."] This conversation occurred ten years ago. Clearly, I am completely over it at this point.
Something I'm hoping this blog will help me with is reducing the amount of time I spend talking to myself. I do this all the time, much like a crazy person. I'm so happy that the Bluetooth has become popular, because now (hopefully) people who happen to witness my dysfunctional behavior will think I'm talking on the phone rather than babbling endlessly to myself. I have a variety of reasons for this strange habit. Sometimes I'm rehearsing an upcoming conversation; sometimes I'm replaying old conversations and saying what I wish I'd said; sometimes I'm giving answers for an interview that isn't actually occurring. I'm reliving a break-up; I'm on a talk show; I'm arguing with some corporate jackass. I suppose it's all very entertaining and stimulating for me, because, like I said, I do it all the time.
When I was in my early 20s, I moved in with two housemates. Soon after moving in together, in an effort to be preventative, we had a frank discussion about our quirks. I began the conversation by mentioning to one of the housemates that I'd noticed she had a tendency to create very elaborate and complicated beverages for herself, take a few sips, and then just leave the drinks around the house. I would go into the bathroom, for example, and find a cucumber-flavored ice water with a mint sprig and two squeezed lemon wedges just sitting next to the sink, creating a sad, wet ring of purposelessness. I found it fascinating that my housemate would put so much effort into making these concoctions, only to abandon them.
Other eccentricities were revealed: a life goal of becoming a "crazy cat lady;" a complete inability to keep track of material possessions; a clown phobia; a tendency to sleep with open eyes and wake up with an intense startle response; etc. Feeling brave from all of the sharing, I mentioned that I talk to myself a lot and warned my housemates not to be alarmed if they heard me doing so. The drink-abandoning cat-lady-wanabe paused, looked at me, looked away, sighed, and then stated, "Huh. Well, I don't talk to myself. And I would think it was really weird if I did." [Translation: "You are weird, and now I live with you. Crap."] This conversation occurred ten years ago. Clearly, I am completely over it at this point.
My new favorite word is MAGNANIMOUS. Here are some definitions taken from a variety of definey-type websites: very generous or forgiving, especially towards a rival or someone less powerful than oneself; generous in forgiving an insult or injury; free from petty resentfulness or vindictiveness; showing or suggesting a lofty or courageous spirit. I need to practice being magnanimous; that is my new goal. I would make it a New Year's resolution, but those are totally ghey.
[Ha! Okay, I don't actually use that term, but I would like to take a moment to give a shout-out to the younger generation for their attempt to take the offensiveness out of the derogatory use of the word "gay" while still permitting themselves to say something that sounds like "gay." It doesn't work, of course, but nice try, Generation Y, or Z, or whatever the fuck you're called. I, too, wish there were a way to say something that sounds like "gay" without implying that "gay" = "stupid." Same with the word "retarded" (maybe we could just spell it "reitahrdead"?). There is something just viscerally satisfying about using both of those words in an angry, spiteful way. But I suppose that brings me straight back to my need to be more magnanimous, rather than devoting my time & energy trying to create less prejudiced ways to be cruel to people.]
[Oh, and while I'm at it, I would also like to thank Generation Whatever for the term "epic fail." It's hilarious. But I give them a big thumbs-down for "imma," like, "imma eat now" or "imma txt u l8r." Ugh. SHUT UP. In fact, I give a big thumbs-down to text speak in general - as if Americans don't have enough trouble with spelling without the influence of text speak and Taco Bell telling us that "stuffed" is spelled s-t-u-f-t. Text speak is also much like New Speak from 1984, and that should make everyone very nervous.]
All of that being said, I really think New Year's resolutions are pretty pointless, especially given the almost universal expectation that no one is going to abide by them. "I'm going to lose weight and exercise more...starting tomorrow!" proclaim millions of sedentary, obese Americans on December 31st. Right - that's totally going to happen. Self-deception is one of the most depressing human behaviors. If you want to make a change in your life, make it now. Don't wait for some arbitrary date, especially if you have no honest intention of making the change. And if you're not going to make the change, then don't talk about it. Just be a fat, lazy smoker, or whatever you are. One of the only times I've experienced someone following through with a New Year's resolution was when a friend of mine resolved to party more and do more drugs in the coming year. One year, I resolved to be less arrogant and self-righteous, and that certainly didn't happen.
Okay, back to the issues at hand, namely: cutting down on talking to myself & being more magnanimous. My goal with this blog is to accomplish both of those things. I also know that I will do a lot of ranting about humans and the things they do, but within those rants, I will (try to) work on cultivating my magnanimousness. And here is a funny thing I just discovered: blogger.com does not recognize the word "magnanimousness," which is a real word, but it does recognize the word "magnanimosity," which is only a word according to the Urban Dictionary.
And here is another funny thing - if you do a Google image search of the word "magnanimosity," this is one of the first pictures that pops up:
What the...
[Ha! Okay, I don't actually use that term, but I would like to take a moment to give a shout-out to the younger generation for their attempt to take the offensiveness out of the derogatory use of the word "gay" while still permitting themselves to say something that sounds like "gay." It doesn't work, of course, but nice try, Generation Y, or Z, or whatever the fuck you're called. I, too, wish there were a way to say something that sounds like "gay" without implying that "gay" = "stupid." Same with the word "retarded" (maybe we could just spell it "reitahrdead"?). There is something just viscerally satisfying about using both of those words in an angry, spiteful way. But I suppose that brings me straight back to my need to be more magnanimous, rather than devoting my time & energy trying to create less prejudiced ways to be cruel to people.]
[Oh, and while I'm at it, I would also like to thank Generation Whatever for the term "epic fail." It's hilarious. But I give them a big thumbs-down for "imma," like, "imma eat now" or "imma txt u l8r." Ugh. SHUT UP. In fact, I give a big thumbs-down to text speak in general - as if Americans don't have enough trouble with spelling without the influence of text speak and Taco Bell telling us that "stuffed" is spelled s-t-u-f-t. Text speak is also much like New Speak from 1984, and that should make everyone very nervous.]
Okay, back to the issues at hand, namely: cutting down on talking to myself & being more magnanimous. My goal with this blog is to accomplish both of those things. I also know that I will do a lot of ranting about humans and the things they do, but within those rants, I will (try to) work on cultivating my magnanimousness. And here is a funny thing I just discovered: blogger.com does not recognize the word "magnanimousness," which is a real word, but it does recognize the word "magnanimosity," which is only a word according to the Urban Dictionary.
And here is another funny thing - if you do a Google image search of the word "magnanimosity," this is one of the first pictures that pops up:
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