Grosser Than Gross

When I was in third grade, my teacher told the class that he would give a prize to any student who could make him laugh.  He sat us in a semi-circle around him, and we all took turns telling jokes and doing silly dances, but no one could get him to laugh.  Finally, after about twenty minutes (which felt more like ten hours to my eight year-old self), one of my classmates told him this joke:

Q:  What's grosser than gross?
A:  When you open the refrigerator, and your rump roast farts in your face.

Well, that did it.  The teacher laughed so hard he fell off his chair.  I didn't find the joke very funny, especially since I didn't know what a rump roast was, but it was pretty awesome seeing my teacher collapse on the floor in a fit of hysterics.

This experience has been brought back to mind because I just discovered what is really and truly grosser than gross.  And here it is:

When you open your mouth guard case and find it crawling with ants.

"Hey, did ya hear about the delicious new snack in the bathroom?  Follow me!"

Yes, indeed.  I think I'm going to have the heebie jeebies for the rest of my life.  Or I may just die now from a revulsion overdose.

A Lesson In Fairness

I'm walking my dog in the park this morning and see two boys who appear to be about five years old.  One of them has a ball, and the other doesn't.  The boy without a ball stops the one with the ball and says, "You have a ball and I don't!  It's not fair!"

There's a moment of silence before the boy without a ball repeats, "It's not fair!" 

The other boy, clutching his ball to his chest, lowers his head and quietly says, "I know."

And that's that.  The boys stand there for a few seconds saying nothing, and then they kind of shrug and run back onto the field to play.

There's something about their interaction that really hits me.  I suppose it proves something that I learned during all my years as a counselor:  validation, in and of itself, is a very powerful thing.  All that kid needed was acknowledgement that it sucks not having a ball (particularly when faced with someone who does have a ball), and he got it.

Also, there are few statements more valid to humanity than "it's not fair."

Ain't that the truth?

Nope, it's not fair.  But if we keep playing with each other, maybe we'll figure out some answers.  It's when we stop playing that we're completely & utterly screwed.

Because a world of Cartmans would be a very bad place.