Golden Sleep Doth Reign...Where?

Yesterday marked the one-month anniversary of my current bout of insomnia.  After a month of not sleeping, I've gotta admit I'm pretty damn tired.  I think my body is gradually collapsing from the inside out.  And I'm starting to hallucinate. 

This prolonged sleep disturbance has led me to the following list of helpful observations.

Signs You Could Use Some Sleep:

(1) You begin questioning your right to exist.
As you lie awake in bed for the third, twelfth, or twenty-fifth night in a row, you find yourself wondering:  How is this evolutionarily possible?  How, after thousands of years of mutation and development, am I one of the fittest of my species, worthy of survival? I can't even perform a basic life function.  You decide that you only exist because of some flaw that slipped through the cracks of human adaptation and feel even better about your decision to abstain from breeding, as the evolutionary error will die with you.

(2) Your perception of the world becomes far too interesting.

My new friends

Lots of things start happening, particularly in your peripheral vision, that are not actually happening.  You may be found waving imaginary bugs out of your face or having an extreme startle reflex for no reason.  Driving a car at this point is probably not such a good idea.

(3) Your motor functioning goes to shit.
You don't know if it's because your brain and body are no longer on speaking terms or your spatial abilities have just gone on vacation.  What you do know is that you drop half the things you try to pick up and knock over the other half.

(4) You start saying bizarre things.  
The pathway between your brain and your mouth apparently has been severed, so you think certain words, but then you say other words.  For example, a couple of weeks ago I started saying suicide instead of insomnia (e.g., "My suicide is really starting to piss me off").  

If you have an upcoming court date, try to get a continuance to sometime in the future, after you and sleep have reunited.  With your inability to control what comes out of your mouth, you could go in to fight a parking ticket and end up getting 30 days for contempt. 

"WHAT did you just say?!"

Yup, suicide is a trip.  I mean insomnia!  Insomnia is a trip.  Not a happy trip, mind you, like a springtime jaunt to the Netherlands to see tulips.  No, it's more like a journey to Bangladesh during monsoon season.  

What's beginning to concern me is the fact that the effects of staying up all night, night after night, are bothering me less and less as each waking day passes seamlessly into the next.  It's just expected.  I fear that crazy is slowly becoming my new normal. 

As my sleepless nights give way to new days full of existential crises, visual hallucinations, ludicrous slips of the tongue, and multiple spacial mishaps, I give praise and thanks to whoever invented coffee.  Without it, I think I'd already be committed.