With A Little Help From My Friends

Help is on the way!

Recently my efforts to conceive of new blog post topics were met with brain freeze.  Finally, I had to enlist the assistance of my friends and family by putting out a request for ideas.  Here are some of the responses I received:


Idea #1:  Write a topic on writing a topic


This circuitous concept reminds me of a time when I sent my dad a thank you card, and then he sent me an email thanking me for the thank you card.  I wrote back cautioning him about the dangerous road of never ending thank yous he was taking us down, and then thanking him for thanking me for the thank you card.  And of course, he soon wrote back:  "Thank you for thanking me for thanking you for the thank you."

Okay!  Enough already!

Idea #2:  Top 10 reasons you wish you were back in Cali


There are definitely lots of things I miss about California.  If I had to limit the list to ten, I'd go with:

• my lovely friends
• the sun
• walking my dogs on the beach
• the wine
• a beautiful ocean full of barking sea lions, majestic dolphins, and adorable otters
• amazing, inexpensive produce
• watching the children I love grow up
• meandering hikes through redwoods
• not being sad upon returning from vacations because home = paradise
• the community's men not looking like dirty hoboes who just emerged from an inbreeding camp in Appalachia.  (Seriously, though, men of Portland, could you consider shaving maybe once a year?)

Idea #3:  The friends you left behind

The friend who suggested this topic most certainly deserves some blog space.  Let's call her "Happy" for the sake of pseudo-anonymity.  I initially met Happy as a coworker, and we were quickly drawn to each other based on our shared tendencies towards evil thoughts and deeds.  However, although she might disagree, I believe that Happy outdoes me in terms of her capacity for evil.  More often than not, whenever I'd walk into the office, Happy would greet me with a cheerful, "Hi, hooker!"  During the work day, if I walked past her desk, she would pepper me with friendly comments like, "Kelly stinks!" and, "Have you heard the news?  You're stupid!"  Occasionally she would simply release a deep, mournful sigh and then remark, "Kelly, I forgive you."  Seriously.  Out of fucking nowhere.


I love and miss this woman like crazy.  She is completely hilarious.  I wish she lived next door.


Idea #4:  Which laws you would like to be allowed to break...only you.

I would like to have free range to smack people upside the head whenever they deserve it.  I believe this assault/battery-related law is one that I should be able to violate as I see fit.  Of course I do realize that violence is not the answer.  I simply believe that particular truth should not apply to me when it comes to situations in which people are genuinely needing a smack upside the head.


The thing about smacking people upside the head is that it's not really violent, like punching, stabbing or shooting.  It's a little painful, but it's more shocking than anything.  The shock factor is key, I believe, because it stops people in their tracks and causes them to have to think about the set of circumstances that led to them being smacked upside the head.


I would also like to reserve the right to dole out Indian burns and utilize pantsing as needed.


Idea #5:  Your secret life as a ninja


Um...it's a secret.  Duh.  But what I can discuss is my not-so-secret life as a social work ninja.  Whereas your average ninja looks like this:

...a social work ninja looks more like this:

Social work ninjas specialize in the art of Counseling Kung Fu.  While I usually demonstrate a certain level of mastery in that particular art, this past week said mastery took a massive shit.  Here's what happened:


I met with a student who is generally very quiet, emotionless, and reserved.  He informed me that one of his family members had just been killed in a car accident.  I reacted with strong concern, asking him several times if he and his family were okay and validating the feelings of grief and shock he must be experiencing, despite the fact that he wasn't demonstrating any emotional reaction whatsoever.  He assured me that he was fine and simply wanted to know how to request a day off from school so he could attend the memorial service.


Later that same day, I ran into the student's cousin, who is a much more communicative, outgoing, and emotive individual.  He asked me how to request a day off and said, "Did you hear what happened?"  Based on my awkward experience with the previous student, and not thinking for one moment about the obvious and dramatic personality differences between the two cousins, I said, "Yeah, your cousin already told me about the memorial.  The request forms are by the first aid kit.  Fill one out at least 24 hours before the absence."  After delivering this dry, cold, bureaucratic response, I noticed that the student's head was hanging and tears were falling out of his eyes and onto the floor.  Yup.  I'm pretty awesome.  *Sigh*  Apparently my Counseling Kung Fu skills were on vacation that day.


Idea #6:  Regrets and how you live a better life without them

Here I am teaching my Monday morning life skills class 

Over many years of social work, I've had this conversation several times:  


Person:  "I'll never be able to get over it.  I'm so ashamed.  I can't believe I did that.  I can never forgive myself."
Me:  "Do you think feeling that way is going to help you move forward or offer anything productive to your life?" 
Person:  "No, it makes me feel like shit."  
Me:  "Then I suggest you stop it.  In my experience, people who feel like shit tend to act like shit, so feeling that way isn't serving you or anyone else.  Shame and regret are useless.  Either learn from your mistakes, or don't, and move on."


There's some Counseling Kung Fu for ya!


Yay, I wrote something!  Many thanks to my wonderful friends and family members for providing me with these topics.  I may enlist your support again very soon, so please keep those thinking caps on.