The Strong Chick's Burden

Oy.  Life is so hard.

It was very difficult for me to write the title of this post, even in the spirit of irony, because I'm so bugged when people use the word "chick" to describe a female human being.  I'm not a baby chicken.  I'm a grown-ass woman.  But I like the way the title sounds, so I'm going with it even though it kinda makes me cringe.


It's baffling to me the way many men react when I suggest that they refrain from using the word "chick."  They act like they were doing something completely innocuous, or even benevolent, like teaching elderly people how to utilize their cell phones, and I, in some fit of feminism-induced hysteria, have accused them of something horrific, like raping baby sea otters.  But referring to women as "chicks" is not innocuous.  Language has power (duh), and when someone uses the image of a helpless, peeping, scurrying, tiny ball of fluff to describe a female person, it's not particularly empowering.


What if it were common practice to refer to a male person as some unflattering animal such as, say, a pig?  Or a donkey?  "Aw, girl, I met the hottest pig last night."  "Hey, there's some donkey on the phone for you."  

You wanna go out later?

Somehow, I don't think guys would like that very much.


What I have learned over the years is that, if you are the type of woman who bothers to suggest that people don't refer to you as a baby chicken, you are quickly labeled as A Strong Woman.  And, although I cannot imagine any other way to be, I must admit that there are challenges to being a strong woman, including:


(1) You will be compared to any and all outspoken women, including shitheads and sociopaths.
I get this a lot.  I hold my breath when I hear, "You know who you remind me of?" because the answer to that question might be someone cool, like Tina Fey or Margaret Cho, or it might be someone decidedly not cool, like Sarah Palin or Lizzie Borden.  Come on, folks.  Try a little harder.  There are plenty of strong women out there with whom I have more in common than the sole factor that we're not too scared to share our opinions.  After so many years of carefully constructing the person I have become, I find it somewhat deflating when I find myself compared to all outspoken women, including those who happen to be outspoken about, for example, their anti-feminist agendas, narcissistic obsessions with hair, nails and clothes, or concerns that Mexican immigrants will be the downfall America.


(2) A woman's likability decreases as her level of success increases.
Yes, this is a statistically proven fact.  If you are a woman and you manage, through incredible intelligence, resiliency, and determination, to overcome all of the structural, imbedded, sexist obstacles in your path and ultimately achieves greatness, your reward is that people won't like you.

Yeah.  That's totally fair and justified.

This goes for men and women, in that neither sex will like you.  Society's message is:  "Ew, you achieved success?  Blech.  That's so unappealing.  But wait - look at that successful man!  Women want to date him!  Men want to be him!  All hail the conquering hero!" 


As a matter of fact, if you are a woman and achieve success, you receive this automatically generated email:


Dear Successful Female:


You are being put on notice that you are now an unlikeable person, due to the fact that you have not assimilated yourself into an acceptable female role (e.g., victim; martyr; doormat).  While it is true that victims, martyrs, and doormats are also quite unlikeable, they are not quite as unlikeable as you.  We encourage you to begin strongly questioning your life choices. 


Sincerely,
Yer Pal, The Patriarchy


Have you ever encountered a statistical fact that made you want to take a giant chainsaw and just...oh, never mind.  I guess the key, if you're a woman, is to get wealthy enough that you can pay people to pretend they like you.


And if you become so completely fucking awesome that you actually turn into a superhero, people will only consider liking you if you dress like a prostitute.

"We are, like, so totally about to go fight crime.  Right after we have sex with all these frat boys."

(3) People come to you for advice, particularly around confrontation, comebacks, or retaliation, and then they don't utilize your amazing and hilarious suggestions.
I get this a lot from females who are in crappy relationships with jerks.  They tell me what the jerks are up to, I give them excellent ideas for things they could say or do to the jerks, they laugh their asses off, and then they don't do anything.  Such a waste of my talents.


(4)  When you do something particularly fabulous, you're informed that you're "The Man" or that you've "got balls."
Hello?  That's the opposite of a compliment.  Please try again.


Despite the aforementioned factors, I like being A Strong Woman, although I don't think I'll ever fail to wince inside when I express an opinion and someone says, "Whoa.  Why don't you tell us how you really feel?"  Dude, what the fuck else would I tell you?  If you want some falsified, watered-down, sideways version of what someone really feels, go talk to a U.S. Senator.

Looking to fill your bullshit quota?  Look no further!