The Times They Have A-Changed

Last weekend, I attended the Portland Chocolate Festival.  I chose to go on the opening night, even though the entrance fee was twice as much, because it was a 21+ event and I didn't want to deal with running, shrieking, sticky-fingered children at a gigantic, candy-based festivity.


As a kid, I found the concept of "adults only" incredibly offensive.  I couldn't understand why adults wouldn't want kids around for everything.  After all, kids were cute, smart, funny, and in general simply made situations better!  Why wouldn't you want a bunch of them frolicking in the public pool while you're trying to swim laps?


As an adult, my opinions have changed dramatically.  Not only do I enjoy kid-free events, but I also find things repellant that I used to love as a kid, and vice versa - I now enjoy things that I associated with pure doom during my childhood.  For example...


WINTER


When I was a kid, winter was one of the greatest things ever.  Winter meant snow, and snow meant forts, snow ball fights, days home from school, sledding, snow men, and hot cocoa.  But this is how I feel about snow nowadays:

If I didn't have to shovel it, clean off my car, or drive in the crap, perhaps I'd still like it...although I've also developed a strong adversity to being cold, so actually snow can just suck it.  Winter can suck it as well. Winter is cold, wet, dark, and stupid.


QUIET TIME


As a child, the following image would have embodied the pinnacle of coma-inducing ennui:

But now when I look at it, I think - wow.  That looks lovely.  How do I get to go there?


When I was young, I was never bothered by noise and equated silence with boredom.  I remember once being on a road trip with my older sister and parents.  During the long drive, my sister and I played game after game (e.g., I Packed My Grandmother's Trunk; I Spy; 20 Questions; Who Stole The Cookie From the Coo-Coo-Kie Jar; etc.).  After a couple of hours we ran out of games and asked my parents for suggestions.  My dad said, "How about if we play a game that's absolutely silent?"  While my sister and I had been trying to entertain ourselves to keep from going stir crazy, my poor father was about to lose his mind after listening to hours of his children's endless chattering and laughter.  At the time I didn't get it, but now I do.


As an adult, I think it's funny that I used to consider it a punishment to be sent to my room.  These days, I would love to get sent to my room to think about what I've done.  That sounds very relaxing.

Ahhh...time to myself.  What a luxury.

BEDROOM LIGHTING


As a kid, I had no tolerance for darkness in my bedroom at night.  I slept with a nightlight on *and* the door open about halfway, with the hall light on.  I needed lots of light.  This would've been a good product for me in my youth:

Seriously?  It takes up the entire fucking wall!

As an adult, however, when I go to sleep at night, I want my room to look like this:

I don't want to be able to see a single thing.  If there's a sliver of moonlight coming in through a crack in the curtains, I feel like:  "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!  LIIIIIIIIGHT!"  Whereas when I was a child, at bedtime I was more like, "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! DAAAAARK!"


FOOD


Glasses of milk and huge amounts of red, rare meat were on my preferred menu when I was a kid.  I also hated spicy food and would question spice-eaters regarding how they could enjoy a food that made them hurt.  Nowadays, the thought of drinking a glass of milk makes me want to barf.  I haven't eaten meat since 1994, and I enjoy food so spicy that it would cause most people's taste buds to supernova.

Mmmm...give me some of whatever he's having!

Of course, there are plenty of other differences between me at 6 and me at 36.  I don't need to be told ten times (or at all) to pick up after myself.  I can't imagine why anyone would enjoy playing make believe games like "school" or "house," because now I've lived those experiences, and they're not very fun.  I don't like playing the same game, listening to the same story, or watching the same movie over and over and over because that is just fucking insane.  And I have excellent motor skills.  I remember being really envious of adults' motor skills when I was a kid, and now I've got them.  Ha!

Yes, the times they have a'changed.  Thirty years ago, I would've merrily crawled out of my snow fort, eaten a burger with a big glass of milk, asked for the same bedtime story three times in a row, and fallen asleep with the lights on.  But tonight I'm going to crank up the heat and pretend it's summer, stand on one leg while I eat a habañero spiced tempeh wrap, send myself to my room to think about what I've done, and fall asleep in pitch darkness.  Sounds lovely.