To Rally, Or Not To Rally?

America has finally begun its day-late, 15-trillion-dollars-short uprising.  In cities all over the country, thousands of disgruntled capitalists have decided that it's time to speak out against the corporate stranglehold that is gripping the U.S.A.  In Portland, the rallies are raging, fueled by patchouli, vintage clothing, overpriced REI camping gear, and spontaneous outbursts of drumming.  Surprisingly, I don't think the Portland cops have managed to shoot anyone yet.

We are young!  We are white!  We are cranky!

While in my daily life I do my best to remain in a perpetual state of protest, I do not choose to attend these types of rallies.  When it comes to gathering outside with thousands of strangers to hold signs and chant, even if I believe in the cause, I shamelessly sit out.  Here is my reasoning for this behavior:

• I don't like people, and I certainly don't want to find myself smashed in amongst huge throngs of them.  People are loud, say dumb things, and are horribly annoying.
• I don't like following crowds or being told what to do.  When I'm at a concert and the performers try to direct my vocalizations or bodily movements (e.g., "Put your hands in the air!  Say hey!  Say ho!") I become really irritated and rebellious.  I don't like marching and I don't like chanting, and, as aforementioned, I really don't like people, so big rallies simply do not work for Al.

YOU wave your hands in the air!  Stop micromanaging me!

• Regarding the current wave of protests, I don't have enough factual knowledge to be able to back up the cause or reflect it to, for example, a news crew.  I do my best to avoid being exposed to anything related to the economy.  I won't even learn how to do my own taxes.  Ultimately our entire monetary/economic system was just made up in the first place like some big, complicated playground game, and it's all far too bullshitty for me to bother trying to download it into my brain.  
• I don't want to camp downtown.  It's cold outside, and I would miss my dogs.

Besides, if Americans really want to change the value system and practices of this country, I'm unclear about the efficacy of these rallies, although honestly I do think it's pretty cool that so many people are participating in them.  But to me, a true American protest would look like this:

Stop shopping at WalMart, eating at McDonalds, drinking Coke & Budweiser, smoking Marlboros, and banking with Bank of America.  Stop caring about celebrities, reality TV show contestants and people on talk shows, especially since it's been scientifically proven that each minute spent thinking about those people kills 15 brain cells.  Stop buying bigger cars, the newest cell phones, designer dogs, and the most expensive cosmetic products.  For that matter, stop internalizing every advertisement-created need that is thrown in your face.

For example, if you have basic motor skills & a brain, then you do NOT need a self-parking car.

Stop blaming teachers and the media for how fucked up and obnoxious your children are - just take responsibility to discipline them and teach them how to be better people.  Stop playing video games and whining or bragging on social networking sites all damn day.  Stop texting 500 bullshit messages every hour.  Take a fucking walk.  Look around.  Talk to someone in person.  If your neighbor is starving, being abused, or mentally ill, try giving a shit.  If someone tells you he's a venture capitalist and makes millions of dollars a year, don't be jealous or express admiration.  Just wrinkle your nose and say, "Ew."

Get away from me, Jerk.  You're ruining my country.