Two Kinds of People

We've all heard various theories about the "two kinds of people in the world," such as:

• "People who are Irish (or Italian, or Jewish, or whatever the speaker is) and people who wish they were."  
• "Those who do the work and those who take the credit."  
• Mac users and PC users
• "People who have loaded guns, and people who dig."
• Etc.

Recently I have decided that it is true - there are 2 kinds of people in the world.  There are GAS (Give A Shit) people, and there are DETAGAS (Don't Even Think About Giving A Shit) people.

GAS people consider themselves to be part of a greater community of humans and other Earth inhabitants.  Therefore, things that affect humanity and the Earth also affect them and are partly their responsibility.  While this can at times seem burdensome, depressing and tiring, it's just part of existing on a planet with billions of other creatures.  Sometimes, to GAS people, the world seems like this:

This is due to the overwhelming presence of DETAGAS people.

DETAGAS people consider themselves to be singular entities surrounded by needy, annoying, resource-draining irritants that want to raise their taxes and ruin their lives.  When faced with potentially troubling information about things outside of what they see as their personal sphere of importance, not only do they not care, but they take great offense at the implication that they should be expected to care.  This is also known as the HDY (How Dare You!) effect.

When GAS people hear about something like global warming, they are concerned.  They wonder what they, as individuals, can do about the situation.  They take responsibility, do research, change their habits, talk to people about what they've learned, and trust that others are doing the same so that the planet won't explode.

When DETAGAS people hear about global warming, they turn to the age-old tactics of minimizing ("Climate change happens; it's no biggie"), denying ("That's just those bleeding-heart liberals controlling the media"), and blaming ("Al Gore did this") to protect themselves from irritating eventualities like negative emotions, questioning themselves, and personal change.  DETAGAS people see pictures like this:

and think, "Good.  I hate polar bears.  I heard something once about a polar bear eating someone's grandma.  Good riddance to those vicious fuckers."

When GAS people hear about violence between humans (e.g., war; domestic/child abuse), they are sad.  They offer support to their friends and family members who are dealing with crappy relationships.  They volunteer at or donate to service organizations that work to combat violence.  They talk to others about what's going on and wonder what else they can do to help people who are being hurt and to support the creation of a nonviolent world.

DETAGAS folks, on the other hand, again turn to those trusty tactics of minimizing ("Humans are warlike; there will always be war; get over it"), denying ("I don't see any abused kids"), and blaming ("People are in violent relationships because they like it").  They see pictures of women who have been abused and say to themselves, "I wonder what she did to make him do that."  They see things like this:

and think, "Sure I can.  I don't know those people.  They must live in other countries."

In the world of the DETAGAS people, the following inconveniences do not exist:  sexism ("Women are in charge of everything these days"), racism ("We have a black President, don't we?"), homophobia ("All you see on TV is gays"), injustice ("We've got the best legal system in the world"), and poverty ("Anyone can work who really wants to").  The American Dream is alive and well, and anyone who thinks differently should either (a) leave the country, or (b) shut up/die.

Huh.  Writing that made me realize how simple life could be as a DETAGAS person.  The biggest annoyance would be filtering out all of the information flooding in from those pesky GAS folks, but that could be done easily enough through the use of selective listening, blind rage, and the utilization of below-the-belt mockery of people whose opinions differ from my own (e.g., "Tree-hugging Commie faggot!").  And in all honesty, giving a shit has been really exhausting as of late.  Maybe it's time to switch sides.

My new personal motto

Just kidding.