Wah.

**** WARNING:  THIS POST MIGHT NOT BE FUNNY.  I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET. ****

stupid balloon

Pictured above is a visual representation of how I'm feeling right now.  I am totally bummed out.  Depression blows.  It feels like a giant hand is simultaneously crushing my soul, squeezing my heart, and pummeling my brain.  Sah-weet.

Because everything is awful currently, I'm going to make a list of several of the millions of things that suck.  Here we go.

• Celebrities getting away with violent crimes.  Fucking jerks!  I hate them.
• Romantic comedies.  I blame them for 90% of the world's antidepressant use and 87% of divorces.

I searched for "romantic comedies suck" and found a piglet in boots.

• Tornadoes.  They are ridiculously scary.
• Cancer.  You're an asshole, cancer.  Go away.
• The word "blog."  I don't like saying that I have a blog.  Someone needs to create a new word.  Maybe that someone is me.  Hmmm...okay, I've got it:  siwoti ("something I wrote on the internet").  I have a siwoti called If Satan Were Anal Retentive.  Perfecto.
• Country music.  Every once in awhile, I will be innocently traveling in a car or wandering around a store, and all of a sudden, out of the blue, I will find myself in a blind rage, complete with clenched fists, grinding teeth, and an intense desire to maim and/or kill.  Then I'll realize that there's country music playing.  When people tell me they like country music, I immediately don't trust them.

Really?

• Greed-based, hierarchical corporate structures that lead to the creation of diabolical monstrosities like Monsanto.  Eat shit, Monsanto.  Contrary to your apparent belief system, it's not cool to systematically ruin the world.
• People making small talk.  Please just shut up, everyone.  Can't you tell that I'm depressed?  I don't feel like listening to your insipid bullshit. 

• The fact that there's no wine in my house.  This is a tragedy.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

About 14 hours have passed since I began this siwoti post, and (thankfully) I have nothing more to say about things that suck.  Last night I discovered the world's best cure for depression, and it is:  Bhangra dancing.  

Woo hoo!  Foul mood vanquished!

Many thanks to the husband for dragging my whiny butt out of the house instead of just leaving me to fester in a self-pitying quagmire of doom.